Moving into the present...
This post will be a bit fragmented because I wanted to write
soon after Deena and I started cleaning out Zachary's room. I wanted the
emotions to be fresh, raw and completely transparent.
One article at a time. Breathe. Reminisce, Reflect, laugh, cry,
hesitate. Then another article. A shoe, piece of artwork, a snow globe, a used
book, stuffed animal, used technology (itouch) or box of art supplies. All of
these are pieces of the past that have stood the
test of time. We are at a moment in time when Deena and I decided to remove
memories and items of Zachary's life. We certainly do not take for granted the
priceless items and treasures that are in front of us. We do recognize that
sometimes treasures need to be buried or given to the less fortunate who see
them for their true value and not the historic reminder.
Example...every pencil, crayon or oil paint is a constant
reminder of Zachery's incredible talent but these unused items are better
served at a children's hospital or donated to a family in need.
I was petrified that I couldn't do it. I was angry that it was
at a point in time we decided to pack away old memories and use the room to
make new ones.
We took our time, wading through each and every piece of paper
that either had a purpose to stay in our lives or be respectfully discarded or
donated.
Item by item we went through. Evidence of Deena and I being on
the same page, was, the immediate agreement and quick deliberation what was
important and what was not. There were items that needed to go and items that
needed to stay.
When all was done...we cried, we laughed, we remembered why we
kept things and laughed why we didn't throw this out in the first place.
I share this moment to remind families my journey continues. As
I pointed out in a previous post, I've moved my grieving into acceptance BUT
moving to purging ourselves of our past is another story.
Deena and I found ourselves remembering the good moments and
less on the bad. We washed away some looming anger and moved further into
acceptance.
We still have much more to do but we were proud of the progress
we made. We are patient with the next phase of transition. My advice to
families who are entering into this phase of grieving...1 article at a time.
Then another and another. If it gets too much, close the door. There is always
tomorrow. There is no rule as to how and when you move into this phase of
grieving. Speaking from someone who is currently going through it...you are in
control and only you can decide what means most to you. It is incredibly
therapeutic to remove just 1 object. Its very personal. Time will guide you
into the present and you will never forget the past.
It takes a village.
David
